Q: What is the only animal with an asshole directly in the center of it's back? A: A police horse! An Irishman, an Englishman, a Polish man, 2 lesbians, 4 lawyers, 5 politicians, Santa Clause, a blonde, an Australian and a Chihuahua walk into a bar, and the bartender says: "What is this? Some kind of joke?!" Good News and Bad News The doctor tells his patient,"Well I've got good news for you and I've got bad news for you, what would you like first?" The patient replies,"Gimme the good news first doc." The doctor says,"The good news is you have twenty four hours to live." The patient says,"What the hell could be worse news than that?" The doctor replies,"I should have told you yesterday." Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge! Q: What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common? A: You always hear about them but never see them. Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: Who cares, what the hell is she doing out of the kitchen!! "Women are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow." Q) Did you hear that 2 antennae got married? A) The ceremony wasn't much, but the RECEPTION was great. Q) How did the telephones get married? A) In a double ring ceremony! Q) What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? A) Cliff! Q) Where do eskimos keep their money? A) Snow banks! Q) What gets wetter as it dries? A) A towel! Did you hear about the three gay guys who attacked a woman? Two held her down while the other did her hair.